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Monday, February 11, 2013

Tall-Paul-Dick-whipperouter

TAX SEASON!!!!! I got my taxes done and I am waiting for that check! It better get here before I head to Denver for a long needed vacay! 

On a different note, I am trying out online dating again. I foresee this ending badly and some stalking will occur (from either party).  Maybe I have watched Catfish the movie too many times (I may be in love Nev! ), but I am so skeptical of these men trying to talk to me.  I am a curvy girl (I may be underestimating what it is to be curvy to most ppl), and I love chocolate. I really  love anything made with any sort of cocoa product. Maybe I should erase my long winded profile and just type in "The lover of chocolate!" But I am afraid that might narrow down my future prospects.
anyway, a few years back I met a guy out for coffee. he seemed nice and we were hitting it off. I soon realized he was a compulsive liar that I was in fact the love of his life. I had just met him and no we did not have an online relationship before our date. Since I do not like clingers and this guy was a first degree "cling-on," I practically ran out to my car so he wouldn't have time to see what it looked like in fear of seeing me around town. Online dating just leads me to the bottle. It is so stressful and Id rather just avoid it.

I shouldn't say that online dating leads me to the bottle when in fact all dating does the same thing.  It is not too hard fall off the wagon  when I live in Wisconsin because alcohol is practically running through our veins from birth or maybe conception.
But back to my dating story. Last year on day light savings I made the mistake of heading to a bar at 1am to wind down after a long bartending shift. A drunken suitor stumbled up to me with his pitcher or Guinness and started to hit on me. maybe I was lonely, maybe I had a few shots at work (Shh) but for some reason I agreed to give him my phone number.
1st date: we went back to the same bar for a couple more drinks and to talk without my coworker lurking on my business (aka keeping me unknowingly safe).  The night went on with only a few minor red flags like being a little too touchy and such and trying to kiss me a lot... I am probably just a prude and all guys are like that on first dates.  So I agreed to a second date.  We were supposed to go to Buffalo Wild Wings so i could kick his a$$ in trivia (so romantic I know). I'm a prude but I never said I was urbane.
2nd Date: we get to BWW. No trivia due to Thursday night basketball or something stupid that I do not care about whatsoever. FUDGE NUGGETS!!!
This is where I learned how naive I really am.  He said "My roommates are playing 'you Don't Know Jack' on the wii right now. Lets go play with them!" Der Da Der I am all for it. We get to his house and I see ppl through the window so I go on in. No one is playing the wii and for a matter of fact the wii was in his bedroom. as soon as his roomies see me they introduce themselves and immediately leave to go out for the night. How friggeden convenient for him. so He runs upstairs and I am avoiding doing so by playing with his roommates golder retriever. I did not take my coat off the entire time I was in this guys house, and I may have had the keys in my knuckles in my pocket ready for an attack.  he is setting up the game in his room so I finally go up there. I sat on his bed with my coat zipped all the way up ( i mean all the way) and I was so far on the edge of the bed that I felt like the Ringling Brothers balancing for their lives.  we play a round and a half or trivia and suddenly I look over at him. He had whipped out his schlong and junk nuggets god knows how long ago. I am such an awkward person. I immediately burst out laughing. and get off the bed. I tell him I have to leave and he jumps up as I'm headed out the door. I knuckled my keys again just in case. He had gathered himself  and put away his buis-nasty-ness while I apologize to the dog for leaving. As I'm racing through the garage all this guy yells is "At least you will have a funny story for your friends."
My friends know him as "Tall-Paul-Dick-whipperouter!"

WTF I was so pissed off  but sometimes cant express my feelings properly. I think I was just mad at myself for going into that situation. well anyway, more recently I have taken a temp job  in the area and found out he worked in the same office.  I ran into him once (literally, because I never watch where I am going)   and immediately fled the scene. I didn't wait for him to say anything.

So what do you all think? Am I just a prude or is Tall-Paul-Dick-whipperouter a creep?  Should I meet liars online or creeps in a bar? which is more promising?  Are those my only choices? any insight is good!

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